I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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