Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
