i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
