i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
