hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
