i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
