I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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