I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
