and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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