if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
