it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
