meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
