Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
