Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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