I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
there is glitter all over my balls
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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