All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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