You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
