Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
