her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
