i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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