He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
