what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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