i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
