She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
