she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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