awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
