mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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