why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
