He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
