Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
