eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
