The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
