sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
