...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
