My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
