even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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