Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
