she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I want a musical about memes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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