I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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