I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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