I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
