They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
