Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
