dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Randomize
