Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
