Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
why is half of my head shaved?
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