my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
