i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
