If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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