She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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