She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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