I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
