We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
