this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
