Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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