wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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